Hershey Kiss

So, I've been a bit "detained" the last few days which has prevented me from writing. It all started last Friday when I was once again working on my pursuit of doing everything before I die. Friday nights activity was consuming an entire bag of Hershey kisses with a 6 pack of Tequiza beer. How many people can say they've done that? Well, I can.

An hour into my bag and on my way to my second 6 pack of Tequiza, I started watching infomercials. I am always looking for new ways to improve others appearance, health and so on so I figured my time spent watching infomercials is my contribution to society. But on this particular night, according to the show I was watching I could personally benefit from a colon cleanse. Makes perfect sense to me since my TV is still blown from the last Wii episode so I purchased the colon cleanse pills which promised I'd lose weight, my skin would be more radiant, but mostly because I'd be amazed at the years of pile up compacted in my colon which would come out like a smooth sailing river.....

Three days into my cleanse I experienced the "sensation". You know, the one that gives you chills, goose bumps, and makes you squeeze your end so tight your butt resembles a pin cushion, lots of dimples and stuff. So all stiff legged and stuff....still squeezing my butt....I waddled to the bathroom and release the Mother load of my colon. I've filled some toilets in my life but this one, this master cleanses creation, was one that would put me in the book of world records. You should always inspect your poop. You never know when the Hail Mary, Jesus, or corn will be present so it's just a good habit to get into. So, I am looking at my master piece, completely awe struck because this is something of 500 pound sumo wrestlers or elephants....but nothing that would ever be associated with the likes of me when something catches me eye. There seems to be some writing on my poop. I am as close as I can get with out masking my face in my shit and I just can't make out what it says. It dawns on me-I am not wearing my glasses, ya know, I can't read shit without my glasses so I get them and go back to my master cleanse and realize that my poop says Hershey kiss! Imagine that!

I took a picture and emailed it to Hershey. I have a feeling they will be endorsing me soon then I won't be writing anymore. I have a feeling they'll pay me for a lot of shit.